Jokes - Dear doctor

Dear Doctor,

I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile. My reasons are numerous and after being married for seven years, and having a child each year, I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are absolutely useless.

After getting married I was told to use the "Rhythm
Method." Whilst trying the samba and the tango my wife
fell pregnant, and I ruptured myself doing the Cha-cha.

My doctor then suggested we use the safe period. At
this time we were living with the in-laws and we had
to wait three weeks for a safe period, when the house
was empty. Needless to say this didn't work.

A lady of several years experience informed us that if
we made love while breast-feeding we would be alright.
It's hardly tastes like Coors, but I finished up with
clear skin, silky hair and another child on the way.

Another old wives tale was if my wife jumped up and
down after sex this would prevent pregnancy. After
breast-feeding (from earlier), if my wife jumped up
and down she would have ended up with two black eyes,
and even knocked herself unconscious.

I asked a chemist about the condom. He demonstrated
how easy it was to use so I bought a packet. My wife
fell pregnant again, which doesn't surprise me, as I
fail to see how a Durex stretched over the thumb can
prevent a baby.

My wife was then supplied with the coil and after many
unsuccessful attempts to fit it we realized that we had got a left-handed thread and my wife is definitely a right-handed screw.

The Dutch cap came next. We were very hopeful of this
as it did not interfere with our sex life at all. But alas ... it did give my wife a severe headache. We were given the largest size, but it was still too tight across her forehead.

Finally we tried the pill. At first it kept falling out, then we realised we were doing it wrong. My wife started then to put it between her knees, thus preventing me from getting anywhere near her. This did work for a while until the night she forgot it....another child resulted.

You must appreciate my problem: if this operation is
unsuccessful I shall have to revert to oral sex. Although I don't mind just talking about it, it could never be the same as the real thing.

Yours faithfully,