Religious Jokes - Noah's Ark

 

Joke Category: Religious Jokes

In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England and
said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see
the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good
humans."
He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -
but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed Building
Regulations Approval.
I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler
system.
My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for
building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site even
though in my view it is a temporary structure.
We had to go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision.
Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future
costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the
passage for the Ark's move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing
of it.
Getting the wood was another problem.
All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a
Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted
owl.
I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the
owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority
ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental
impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities
Commission on how many BMEs I'm supposed to hire for my building team.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only CSCS accredited workers with Ark-building
experience.
To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm
trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish
this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched
across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not
going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The British Government are already in the process of
doing it."